We set boundaries with people. There is a lot of cultural support for doing that. We say things like, "I love you, but there is a boundary here, and if you cross that line, there will be hell to pay." Then people do what they do, and we tell the story that they somehow prevented us from loving them. We say things like, "I hate you." This almost always means, "I love you so much. How could you hurt me like this?"
It's a good story. It leaves us looking like an "innocent victim" in the matter, which seems like safety, but it's a crock 'o shit. We still suffer.
We drew a line in the sand and then demanded that people honor it. When they didn't, we declared it meant they didn't love us, but it didn't necessarily mean that. That was just something we made up. But here is the crucial point. Then... we stopped loving them. That's where the pain actually comes from. We close our heart and declare them the source of our pain. We suffer in their name. Nucking futs, I call it.
When I am on the more sane end of my spectrum, I don't give other people power over whether my heart opens or flows. I don't know who said it first, but resentment is taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
~ Carson Boyd
It's a good story. It leaves us looking like an "innocent victim" in the matter, which seems like safety, but it's a crock 'o shit. We still suffer.
We drew a line in the sand and then demanded that people honor it. When they didn't, we declared it meant they didn't love us, but it didn't necessarily mean that. That was just something we made up. But here is the crucial point. Then... we stopped loving them. That's where the pain actually comes from. We close our heart and declare them the source of our pain. We suffer in their name. Nucking futs, I call it.
When I am on the more sane end of my spectrum, I don't give other people power over whether my heart opens or flows. I don't know who said it first, but resentment is taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
~ Carson Boyd
