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I knew of a man who felt certain that he'd had an experience, connecting with his deceased mother in a post mortem conversation, so to speak. He spoke to her of his regret for the times they didn't get along. He took responsibility for his part in that. He reported that she looked at him, a little puzzled and said, "Huh, all I remember is the love."

Recently a friend of mine expressed that she hadn't always been easy for me to get along with. I responded "All I remember is the love" and in that moment I literally dropped the memory of anything else. I could have found it if I was willing to look. I noticed I had no interest in looking.

Every mistake anyone has ever made is in the past, and the thing I love about the past? It’s over. You want people to notice that you are loving and lovable? Notice that they are loving and lovable. You want to live with happy, loving, spontaneous, self-expressed people? It is easier than we have been led to believe. Just give up any story of their guilt.  Granted, just because you stop believing in it, doesn't guarantee they will, but it is a start.

This may be hard to swallow, but I'm suggesting the possibility that there is no external enemy.  What a thing to believe?  What if another's guilt was never, actually the truth of the matter, but a story, a story that someone made up, and someone else believed in? What if you there were only one story teller, and it was you?  What if an external enemy never really existed?  If this world truly is a projection, as many wisdom teachers promise, then the only one who owes anyone an apology is me. Could I be that humble, to fully own that?

And, please, don't believe me.  I'm not saying this is the truth.  I am suggesting these are worthwhile questions for you, to ask you.  I’m inviting you to try this on, see how the world looks from here.  See how life looks from here. You may find something valuable.

Love & Freedom

"It is through love that freedom is realized." ~Crystal Dawn

Yes, absolutely, and it is equally true that it is through freedom that love is realized.

I had such a hard time in relationships earlier in my life. It seemed that the women I knew felt that once I was clear that I loved them, I was somehow their prisoner.

"OK, you love me. Now here's the deal. You have to love me forever, and you can't love any one else, ever, or I'm going to punish you, as is my right as your beloved." But that's not love. That's the egoic search for safety and comfort by manipulating the exterior world. It's not even close to being love. That's like saying that the poison is the antidote.

Just like we can't put out part of a lit match by dumping a glass of water on it, we are not able to be so selective about which love we squash when we seek its inhibition. What I noticed was that the love I felt for these primary partners would begin to diminish, until one or both of us wondered what we were doing together. It was simple really. The love got squashed. Neither of us realized that by squashing love for others, love for self and partner is harmed as well.

What I set out to talk about though is that, more and more, I have the perception that cause is non-local. For instance, I can't know if it is the love in my heart that is causing the freedom I feel, or is it the freedom I feel that is causing the love in my heart. If I'm feeling loving, I can't know if I'm feeling that because of the way someone is treating me, or maybe they're treating me that way because I'm being loving.

Perhaps I don't need to know. Granted this inquiry (who's at cause?) is a treasured pastime for the ego/identity, but perhaps it is, in truth, just a waste of time.

After all, in order for blame to be ascribed, there must be separation. Before there can be a "bad guy" there must first be an us and a them. But maybe that is a false premise.

It appears that when I'm feeling upset, the most honest thing I can say is that I'm feeling upset, because I'm feeling upset. The "No Fault System" seems to work in the insurance business, maybe it will work in the human relations business as well.

I do notice that one of the most direct ways for someone to show me that I'm not interest in their partnership these days is for them to be focused on guilt, and it doesn't matter if it is projected inward or outward. Inward guilt is "I'm a jerk." Outward guilt is "You're an asshole." Guilt is guilt and the problem is that you have to stick your hand in the shit bucket in order to get some to smear on someone else. You can't use guilt without getting it all over you. I'm just not interested in that game anymore.

Guilt is a lie, built on a lie, and I'm committed to the truth.

©2009, carson boyd