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I knew of a man who felt certain that he'd had an experience, connecting with his deceased mother in a post mortem conversation, so to speak. He spoke to her of his regret for the times they didn't get along. He took responsibility for his part in that. He reported that she looked at him, a little puzzled and said, "Huh, all I remember is the love."

Recently a friend of mine expressed that she hadn't always been easy for me to get along with. I responded "All I remember is the love" and in that moment I literally dropped the memory of anything else. I could have found it if I was willing to look. I noticed I had no interest in looking.

Every mistake anyone has ever made is in the past, and the thing I love about the past? It’s over. You want people to notice that you are loving and lovable? Notice that they are loving and lovable. You want to live with happy, loving, spontaneous, self-expressed people? It is easier than we have been led to believe. Just give up any story of their guilt.  Granted, just because you stop believing in it, doesn't guarantee they will, but it is a start.

This may be hard to swallow, but I'm suggesting the possibility that there is no external enemy.  What a thing to believe?  What if another's guilt was never, actually the truth of the matter, but a story, a story that someone made up, and someone else believed in? What if you there were only one story teller, and it was you?  What if an external enemy never really existed?  If this world truly is a projection, as many wisdom teachers promise, then the only one who owes anyone an apology is me. Could I be that humble, to fully own that?

And, please, don't believe me.  I'm not saying this is the truth.  I am suggesting these are worthwhile questions for you, to ask you.  I’m inviting you to try this on, see how the world looks from here.  See how life looks from here. You may find something valuable.

Fear and Control

There are people who would like to control you, and they hold the reigns of government. They know that one of the most effective ways to control people is to scare them. They seek to undermine your sense of security, in order to bolster your fear (thereby increasing their control). These people could be rightly described as terrorists, and the TSA does nothing to track their actions or protect us from them.

The antidote to this fear is not more control. That belief promotes and supports the fear. We've been trying that, in an almost infinite number of iterations, and look where it's gotten us: bloated war debt, bloated health care costs, bloated legal costs, bloated regulatory systems, bloated political system, etc. We are living in an insane asylum.

The antidote is to wake up; to see that who you have believed yourself to be cannot, ultimately, be protected. You were born with a death sentence. It's just a matter of time. But the Being you actually are, cannot be threatened, ever, in any fraction. These words are empty, but the experience which confirms them is full. Once you know who you actually are, then you can relax and let the chips fall where they may, knowing that even though everything which can be perceived is temporary, You are eternally safe.

~ Carson Boyd

Mermaids and Male Orgasms

As mythology has it, mermaids hang out near the shore, they are, of course, naturally feminine and they sing songs, siren songs, which are mesmerizing to the sailors who hear them. These songs have a beaconing quality to them. Their message is: I need you. I want you. Come to me. Come closer; closer still. Come to me. I will receive you.

It is said that sailors who become enraptured with these siren-songs would move ever closer to the shore, only to eventually find their ships destroyed as it crashed upon the rocks.

So what does all of this have to do with the male orgasm? Plenty. Speaking as a male, in my experience, there is something mesmerizing about the feminine, and it isn’t necessarily represented in physical song, although it can be. The epitome of this, for me, is k.d. lang. When she expresses it, she is the feminine siren song; beaconing me to surrender.

Now, back to orgasms. So here I am being enchanted by the feminine. Granted, it occurs in the moment, as being enchanted by a particular female, but I’d like to reference it in a broader context, for the sake of this conversation, as the Feminine Principal. This connects to, and is embodied by pretty much every woman. And this feminine principle (whether verbally or not) says pretty much the same things that the mermaids say to the sailors. Come to me. I need you. I want you. Come closer; closer still. I will receive you. Let me hold you and give you the gift of my being. Enter me and give me the gift of your seed.

Then during the experience of sex there is a ramping up of this dance where “She” is calling me closer and I am reaching higher and higher states of surrendering to her, as she surrenders to me. The magnetic attraction to this surrender continues to increase, until it eventually reaches exponential growth, the closer it gets, the stronger it is. It becomes something that I simply can’t turn away from. Whatever is going to happen, I am fully committed. My breathing accelerates, my thrusting accelerates, my attention is completely captivated by what is happening in the moment. At this point, I am not having sex, we are not having sex, our bodies and our Being is having sex, and we are just along for the ride.

And then there is an explosion. I am done for. I (my ship) has crashed upon the rocks and my being shatters into a million fragments, as if it were an image on a piece of glass. I am left with no-thing, with emptiness; something inside me becomes very quiet. Relaxation washes over me and I collapse. The insatiable drive which was animating me, just moments ago, is over and for a time, I am left with an absence of identity, and absence of thought, just peace. At this moment, all I want to do is rest in this quietness.

Through the process, the masculine principal has been brought home. We followed our attraction to the feminine principal; we vigorously pursued it, and had our way with it. Somehow, in the dance, our having our way with It, was actually It having It’s way with us. When we finally achieved this union and fully embodied it with our partner, we became, for a time, destroyed in the process. She led us back to our primordial being. We return home and experience what it is like to be whole; to be undivided; to be beyond masculine and feminine; to contain both. We rest in that completeness. Then, if we can bare the vulnerability, we fall at her feet, in gratitude for what she has provided.

~ c a r s o n
November 28, 2010

Contrary to Love

What is it that is contrary to Love? It is a tricky question and I would like to point out that the questions is not what is Love contrary to, for Love is contrary to nothing. Another way of saying this is, Love does not oppose that which opposes it. However, one of the fundamental truths about Love is that it is the opposite of fear, so we could say that anything which promotes fear is contrary to Love. That would range from terrorists on one extreme to judgmental thoughts on the other. Another attribute of Love is Unity. Therefore, ideas or actions which have polarization as their goal are contrary to Love. So, as you can see, religion and politics... pretty much contrary to Love.

Letting Go of Love

Something I noticed, once upon a time, was that I couldn't get rid of love by giving it away. I forgave the guy that my ex-wife left me for, and I felt lovable and forgiven, in the process. There are many faces, but only One Being. There is no one to give love to but Me. There is no one to withhold love from but Me. Recently, I've noticed the same thing about those whom I love. Someone I love, gives her love to someone else, and I'm the one who receives it. It thrills me to see her express her love for another, because I know what love is, and I want that for her, and for him, and for me.

Once I got clear that love isn't personal; that my Beloved is behind every face, it became effortless to release my grip on a particular individual. While she could provide access to my Beloved, she couldn't possibly keep her from me. In light of that, I grant her complete freedom to like what she likes, and want what she wants. I'll be fine, and my Beloved approaches, as we speak.

All War is Insanity

I don’t say this figuratively, but literally.

"If a black cat crosses your path it means that you’ll have bad luck." "Step on a crack, you’ll break your mother’s back." These aren’t really superstitions, because we recognize them as such. The real superstitions are the ones that we believe are true. There are certain things about reality that almost all of us know better than to argue with, like gravity. To stand there and insist that gravity change its nature for you, and that things suddenly start to fall upwards… We all agree that is insane, and that people who believe such, should be kept away from cliffs, for their own good. But then our friend says something hurtful and we have the thought that they shouldn’t have done that. This thought is no less insane than the belief that gravity shouldn’t pull downward. Reality doesn’t seem to care what you think it should be. Have you noticed? It just goes on being what it is, despite any and all protestations.

There is a bigger war than the one in Iraq, and It has been going on for longer than any of us can remember. It is the war we wage with reality (when we do) and it will end with our surrender. This war cannot be won. Resistance is futile. Defeat is inevitable and only a matter of time. Ironically, it is in our defeat that our salvation awaits. Love will win. The only thing that remains to be seen is when these imagined identities will surrender.

“Forgiveness is the only sane response.” ~ACIM

Love & Freedom

"It is through love that freedom is realized." ~Crystal Dawn

Yes, absolutely, and it is equally true that it is through freedom that love is realized.

I had such a hard time in relationships earlier in my life. It seemed that the women I knew felt that once I was clear that I loved them, I was somehow their prisoner.

"OK, you love me. Now here's the deal. You have to love me forever, and you can't love any one else, ever, or I'm going to punish you, as is my right as your beloved." But that's not love. That's the egoic search for safety and comfort by manipulating the exterior world. It's not even close to being love. That's like saying that the poison is the antidote.

Just like we can't put out part of a lit match by dumping a glass of water on it, we are not able to be so selective about which love we squash when we seek its inhibition. What I noticed was that the love I felt for these primary partners would begin to diminish, until one or both of us wondered what we were doing together. It was simple really. The love got squashed. Neither of us realized that by squashing love for others, love for self and partner is harmed as well.

What I set out to talk about though is that, more and more, I have the perception that cause is non-local. For instance, I can't know if it is the love in my heart that is causing the freedom I feel, or is it the freedom I feel that is causing the love in my heart. If I'm feeling loving, I can't know if I'm feeling that because of the way someone is treating me, or maybe they're treating me that way because I'm being loving.

Perhaps I don't need to know. Granted this inquiry (who's at cause?) is a treasured pastime for the ego/identity, but perhaps it is, in truth, just a waste of time.

After all, in order for blame to be ascribed, there must be separation. Before there can be a "bad guy" there must first be an us and a them. But maybe that is a false premise.

It appears that when I'm feeling upset, the most honest thing I can say is that I'm feeling upset, because I'm feeling upset. The "No Fault System" seems to work in the insurance business, maybe it will work in the human relations business as well.

I do notice that one of the most direct ways for someone to show me that I'm not interest in their partnership these days is for them to be focused on guilt, and it doesn't matter if it is projected inward or outward. Inward guilt is "I'm a jerk." Outward guilt is "You're an asshole." Guilt is guilt and the problem is that you have to stick your hand in the shit bucket in order to get some to smear on someone else. You can't use guilt without getting it all over you. I'm just not interested in that game anymore.

Guilt is a lie, built on a lie, and I'm committed to the truth.

©2009, carson boyd